A really dear friend of mine asked me how I am. "How you really are," she said, "not the Facebook kind." And this is what I said:
I love that you asked. The answer is: my toes are cold, and, in a way, that might kind of sum it up.
I am happy,
feeling grounded,
feeling content,
occasionally peppered by little tiny moments of anxiety
(Siddhartha would be so disappointed in me some days).
I love my little English basement apartment; it allows me to really feel at peace and happy. What better could a home do than that?
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to watch movies without someone to cuddle with, but I know that that is only temporary. A day, a month, a year, a decade... a lifetime. They're all temporary. And when I remember not to "want" what isn't, the feeling wanes pretty quickly. I like watching myself as I watch a feeling wane. It's weird. It's like how I watched myself slipping and falling on the ice on the way home from the staff party Monday night. I laughed every time I fell, because that was the option I liked best.
I spend a lot of time noticing how many things crop up that are not exactly how I may have wished but that don't bother me for being that. I also spend a lot of time realizing how many times a day some folks get angry at the very same types of things. Then, in those moments, I secretly hope for them that they can find a better way to be. Their way is hard. Negativity is exhausting.
I'm a little bit of a Facebook addict because I'm a little bit of a people addict, and my people are scattered. For that reason I don't understand why so many people love to hate on Facebook. For me it's part megaphone, part billboard, part scrapbook, and part water cooler. Part thesis. Part sympathy card. And a lot more.
I watched a Kung Fu movie marathon with my son Brandon the other day. We laughed until we had to go searching for the Albuterol. That rocks. Can you do better than that?
My toes are cold because I haven't had an electric bill over $49 since someone moved out. They reached $165 a month last winter. So I'm ok with my toes being cold; I just had to learn to wear socks inside the house. I bet the homeless guys have colder toes than I do.
I wish I meditated more and I wish I did more yoga, but sometimes it's hard to do that alone. And then I remember that I do those things to achieve a peace that isn't available to me any other way, and then I remember that I do meditate, and I do do yoga, and if I decide not to be stressed about whether-or-not it's "enough," then it suddenly becomes "enough." Wow. Here's me watching my slow-motion-ice-falling again.
I think that that's me. I feel pretty goddamned lucky.
I love that you asked. The answer is: my toes are cold, and, in a way, that might kind of sum it up.
I am happy,
feeling grounded,
feeling content,
occasionally peppered by little tiny moments of anxiety
(Siddhartha would be so disappointed in me some days).
I love my little English basement apartment; it allows me to really feel at peace and happy. What better could a home do than that?
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to watch movies without someone to cuddle with, but I know that that is only temporary. A day, a month, a year, a decade... a lifetime. They're all temporary. And when I remember not to "want" what isn't, the feeling wanes pretty quickly. I like watching myself as I watch a feeling wane. It's weird. It's like how I watched myself slipping and falling on the ice on the way home from the staff party Monday night. I laughed every time I fell, because that was the option I liked best.
I spend a lot of time noticing how many things crop up that are not exactly how I may have wished but that don't bother me for being that. I also spend a lot of time realizing how many times a day some folks get angry at the very same types of things. Then, in those moments, I secretly hope for them that they can find a better way to be. Their way is hard. Negativity is exhausting.
I'm a little bit of a Facebook addict because I'm a little bit of a people addict, and my people are scattered. For that reason I don't understand why so many people love to hate on Facebook. For me it's part megaphone, part billboard, part scrapbook, and part water cooler. Part thesis. Part sympathy card. And a lot more.
I watched a Kung Fu movie marathon with my son Brandon the other day. We laughed until we had to go searching for the Albuterol. That rocks. Can you do better than that?
My toes are cold because I haven't had an electric bill over $49 since someone moved out. They reached $165 a month last winter. So I'm ok with my toes being cold; I just had to learn to wear socks inside the house. I bet the homeless guys have colder toes than I do.
I wish I meditated more and I wish I did more yoga, but sometimes it's hard to do that alone. And then I remember that I do those things to achieve a peace that isn't available to me any other way, and then I remember that I do meditate, and I do do yoga, and if I decide not to be stressed about whether-or-not it's "enough," then it suddenly becomes "enough." Wow. Here's me watching my slow-motion-ice-falling again.
I think that that's me. I feel pretty goddamned lucky.
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